After five long and luxurious days off from my job, I am back at work once again. Five days a week, eight hours a day, forty hours a week. Monday to Friday. Doesn't everything seem wrong with this picture? I sure think so. You know, even though I did some work for a family member on almost all of my days off, being out of the office has provided me with some great time of reflection.
I have come up with a system to do away with the regular Monday through Friday, Eight to Five day. It won't cost the employee or employer very much at all... Well, that, I guess, entirely depends on the wealth of the company, but that has nothing to do with me, now does it?
Anyway... here is my system. Let's use a pretend company here, we'll call them "Awesome Employer, Inc.". Awesome Employer, Inc. has a small staff, only five full time employees. They work in the computer service industry, and their employees are uneducated, so they only make $12.00/hr. All of these employees work 40 hours a week, Monday to Friday, Eight to Five with an hour lunch break.
So, Awesome Employer, Inc.'s employees are putting in a total of 200 hours a week, for a total of $2400.00 gross pay. Not bad, not bad. (For the record, this is about $125,000 a year.) So, Awesome Employer, Inc. has decided that they love their employees and that they overwork them, so they want to cut their hours, but keep the gross pay the same. Awesome, I want to work for Awesome Employer, Inc.
So what needs to be done, to keep these 5 employees at $480 a week, is this:
Hire seven new people, cut the weekly shift to sixteen hours, and increase the wage to $30.00/hr. Sounds reasonable doesn't it? I sure think so.
I mean, really. Here is what it comes down to: You now have twelve employees (this also has the benefit of making your firm appear to be larger.), at sixteen hours a week. So Awesome Employer, Inc. still has 200 hours of work coming in every week (it's actually 192, but the extra eight hours provided way too much extra work for me). Problem #1 solved. Now, you increase everyone's wage by $18 to $30.00/hr. Now, here is where most employer's would become wary. Your total weekly payroll jumps to $5760 per week (or just about $300,000 per year). Since Awesome Employer, Inc. is a very rich company, they don't care and decide to pay up. Imagine the employee moral! It would be unprecedented! If I ever become a rich company owner, this is exactly what I'll do.
So, let's say your employer isn't as great as Awesome Employer, Inc.. What do you do now? Easy, accept a pay cut. I figured if I was working for $480 a week at forty hours a week, I wouldn't be too upset with $400 a week over sixteen hours. So, we drop our new wage from $30.00/hr to $25.00/hr. This cuts an amazing $960 a week (almost $50,000 a year! That should get their hopes up.) from the employer's payroll, and drops the final weekly amount to $4800 (or just over $250,000 a year). Wow! How could a good employer not take this opportunity. And as an employee only working 16 hours a week, making up that $80 a week is as easy as getting a part time job for another couple of hours at McDonald's or something. Who cares?
So, now that I've solved that problem... next week, how to get the boss to institute a new "Free Hourly Massage" policy, or maybe even how to get a masseuse to be on-call at your desk all day, and have it written off as an expense.